A few weeks ago, I started feeling fatigue so severe I couldn't do anything. Not constantly, but just enough to keep me at home. I actually passed out more than once. This, combined with tingling and numbness in my extremities, nausea, and chronic muscle pain in my legs, eventually sent me to the doctor.
My bipolar specialist said I could be feeling side effects of one of my meds. We decided to start lowering it, just in case, while I would get tested for other things anyway.
The Good News: I don't have anything. No anemia, etc. I am in excellent health. (The doctor even said my lungs sounded good. MUHUHAHAHAHAHAH!)
The Bad News: Lowering the meds is working. This is not good news because I am trading physical health for mental stability. I noticed a couple of days ago that while I was justifiably angry about my situation, the anger was deeper and more intense than it should be. Mental negativity in general is hanging around longer and stronger than it should. I have trouble paying attention, sometimes. Occasionally, I have uncontrollable twitches.
This means I still can't go back to school. I am literally not in the right frame of mind. Both the situation and my disorder are converging to inspire anger, and I am a little scared. It's been years since I've felt unmedicated emotions, and there's a reason for that.
More later.
*sends healy positive thoughts*
ReplyDeleteWinter bring on all kinds of nasty things luv. I hope this clears up soon for ya. Have you tried St. John's Wort?
Keep in touch. Both B and I are around for random phone calls and such.
~I
Some people use their mental health as an excuse to be weak. I've done it plenty. I've always admired your ability to manage your mental health and find reasons to be strong.
ReplyDeleteThe physical vs. mental health battle is tough. The hardest decisions are the ones we make where there is no clear right choice. I wish I had answers.