I Found My Dream Job and I Don't Know Where To Go To Apply For It

So something that keeps popping up is that apparently People of Color want white people to apologize for being white. Since I've never asked for this, and I've never seen this in action, I deduce that People of Color randomly leap out of bushes at unsuspecting white people and yell, "APOLOGIZE FOR BEING WHITE!"

And they're probably being paid for it. You know, like those paid protesters.

Folks, this is my dream job. Granted, my joints are going out, so waiting in bushes for unsuspecting white people could be really painful for me, but I've been waiting for an opportunity like this my whole life.

Fuck a duck in a bucket, I want this job. I've got some serious pent up aggression. Every time I've been told I couldn't lay claim to my German heritage because what I REALLY am is Asian, every time I've been told Asians are cool because they're exotic, every time someone overrides what I'm saying to whitesplain what Asians are REALLY like . . .

So why haven't they called me? This is killing me, people. I've got conviction. I've got a naturally loud voice. I breathe from the diaphragm. I'm actually a little hurt that the Color Consortium has no time for me.

So, for my white friends, the next time a Person of Color leaps out of nowhere to demand an apology, before you storm off, could you ask them for a business card?

I could really use the income.